Progress:
Using active listening to build better communication
“Being heard” doesn’t appear explicitly on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, but maybe it should. The desire to communicate is fundamental to the relationships we work to build, the goals we strive to attain — the way we get through the day.
But the truth is, many of us think we’re listening when we’re merely hearing, preparing to respond before the speaker is finished talking even while we’re making eye contact and nodding our heads. Despite our good intentions, what we’re actually doing is listening passively, hearing the words but missing physical, emotional and other clues that can reveal a more complete and accurate picture of what’s really being said. Being a mildly engaged (or disengaged) listener can leave the person talking feeling unheard and unsatisfied.
For marketers — professional communicators — what’s now called “active listening” is an especially essential skill, allowing you to take in information from team members, stakeholders, clients/customers and agency partners, and craft accurate, meaningful messages. And it helps build loyal teams: active listening behaviors make co-workers feel heard and supported, which in turn leads to higher levels of job satisfaction and organizational commitment.
Active listening, a term coined by Carl Rogers and Richard Farson in 1957, is a deep and involved skill and requires more of a heavy lift from the listener. It takes practice and patience. But it can make a world of difference in your relationships in the workplace, at home and anywhere communication is crucial.
What is active listening, really?
Active listening is a communication skill that demonstrates to the other participant(s) in the conversation that they are being heard and understood. Words aren’t just heard for the sake of the matter — an active listener seeks to understand what is really being said and is present
in the conversation.
The active listening equation involves:
- Understanding what the other person is communicating (both the overt meaning and the emotion behind it).
- Engaging to convey interest and caring to the other person. If people do not feel listened to, they will be reluctant to share important information in the future.
In their article, “How to Become a Better Listener,” Robin Abrahams and Boris Groysberg of Harvard Business School say active listening has three components: cognitive, emotional and behavioral. They define them like this:
- Cognitive: Paying attention to all the information, both explicit and implicit, that you are receiving from the other person; comprehending and integrating that information
- Emotional: Staying calm and compassionate during the conversation, including managing any emotional reactions (annoyance, boredom) you might experience
- Behavioral: Conveying interest and comprehension verbally and nonverbally
In that article Abrahams and Groysberg suggest, “Getting good at active listening is a lifetime endeavor. However, even minor improvements can make a big difference in your listening effectiveness.”
Why being a better listener matters
Adults spend roughly 70% of their day communicating in different forms. Out of that 70%:
- 9% is writing
- 16% is reading
- 30% is speaking
- 45% is listening
With so much of our time spent either speaking or listening, it behooves all of us to be mindful of our listening skills. Active listening shows a higher level of respect. It improves conflict resolution and heightens understanding. It enhances decision-making skills and reduces miscommunications.
It is especially helpful to practice active listening in the remote work settings increasingly common today, where we can’t rely as much on the non-verbal methods of communication that help inform in-person interactions.
Tips and tactics for being a better listener
- Repeat the speaker’s last few words back to them
Why? It makes them feel listened to, keeps you on track during the conversation and provides a pause for both of you to gather thoughts or recover from an emotional reaction.
- Reflect on what you’ve heard by paraphrasing
Reflecting back can be a tool to check your own comprehension. Ask questions such as “I’m going to put this in my own words to make sure I understand,” “What I am hearing is…” or “Sounds like you are saying…”
- Offer nonverbal cues
Conveying that you’re a good listener can be difficult, especially over Zoom or Teams. Your tone of voice, an attentive posture, nodding and positive hand gestures can show the speaker you’re engaged and attentive.
- Ask questions
Questions can be a way to show investment in the conversation. There is no such thing as a dumb question, but save questions until the speaker has made their point. According to Amy Gallo of the Harvard Business Review, “asking questions based on what may have been left unsaid can make the other person feel supported and lead to insight for both of you.” She offers this example:
An employee says, “I’m worried about my presentation for the board meeting.”
It’s natural to try to reassure and relate by saying, “Oh, you’ll do great. It took me years before I could present without being nervous.”
According to Gallo:
“While you’re attempting to make a connection here, this response dismisses their concern without inviting more details. It switches the focus to you and ignores what might be a much more important underlying issue behind their statement. To show that you’re listening in a deeper way, you could say, ‘I was nervous when I started presenting too. What’s worrying you?’ ”
Everyone deserves a fair hearing
Whether in the office or at the dinner table, developing the discipline to listen purely for comprehension — without an agenda, distraction or judgment — pays big dividends in trust, openness, and the quality of information shared between the speaker and the listener. There’s even research that shows that active listeners are viewed as more competent, likable and trustworthy by others. So listen up — and see the difference active listening makes.
